I am a social person. As much as I do need alone time and can appreciate quiet moments by myself, I lean heavily on connecting, relating, and sharing with other people. Up until my first trimester with the twins, I was bartending and still making all social functions with all of my friends, and having play dates for Max constantly. I am a very open person, not one for small talk, I’m always ready to really get to know people and hear their stories. All of my past jobs have been in the service industry, I even was an HIV Counselor for a couple years after I moved to Baltimore which included outreach work in the most drug infested streets of the city and I had to approach people to talk to them about their sexual partners and health status. It was not a job for the meek, I’ll tell you that. But I really enjoyed it and I learned a ton about people and life. I miss that job sometimes.
Anyways, after the twins came, my life changed immensely. Lots of love, and hard work, and a lot of isolation! That is something I find that is not talked about among many parents. Well, not until I bring it up. Then, they spill their guts. It’s one of those topics that is kept hush hush, and is maybe viewed to be ‘too negative’ to talk about. Not with me! I like to talk about it all and I like validating my feelings and those of others. Then I find that I am able to move on. Too much therapy in my life? Ha, yes, therapy has had a strong role in who I am today.
Around this time in my life is where the social media has really become a key part in my connections with others. I can’t take my three kids anywhere by myself. Well, I guess I could, but I’m not one for self torture and I don’t like to make others feel obligated to watch my children. Max alone needs one supervisor. He is a very active boy and he’s all over the place. I’m not down with someone stealing my kids, so I don’t take anything for granted and I won’t let my children run around unsupervised. Ever. Then, the twinnies are opposites and that’s the direction they go when they play outside of the house. Opposite directions! Again, they need their own supervisors if out in public. So, that means no leaving the house for play dates unless I can go to a friend’s house that is child proof or if I were to have some kind of help that day. All the outings have to wait for the weekend when daddy can help which is fine because we are lucky enough to have a nice backyard that is fenced in and safe for the kids minus the dog poop (which Max cleans upon going outside first thing). This leaves me at home with the kids all week with the exception of some Pop Pop time (which I do enjoy and so do the kids).
How do I keep in touch with all of my friends? I can’t really talk on the phone, because my household is quite loud with sounds of laughter, crying, yelling (fun yelling, not mean yelling), whining, and toys going bonkers. It’s almost like the kids are at a normal volume and then when you get on the phone, the volume goes up, up, up and unhappiness sets in. So annoying!! So, I utilize my Voxer app, texting and my social media outlets. Thank goodness for them! Seriously! I try my best to keep up with my friends with what’s going on in their lives. Facebook makes it easy to follow friends that post statuses regularly and if not, emailing supplements that void. It’s so easy to check out pictures and even though it’s not the same as hanging out with someone, it does bring comfort seeing their faces or of those in their family. I think that I would be in a deep depression if it weren’t for social media. And I’m being serious. It’s really isolating having three young kids and being a stay at home mom. I am fortunate to be able to do it but it doesn’t mean that it’s a piece of cake. There’s a lot of work in the upkeep of a house, laundry (aka the devil), dishes and meal planning/making (which is often a tiresome task for me), the husband and supporting his schedule, hobbies and passions, the dog, and last but not least, MYSELF. Who? Oh yea, me!!! I’ve been pregnant for a couple years, laid low while the babies are little and now that they are getting a wee bit more independent, I’m feeling that itch to do something my damn self!
I need to connect! I want to know how my friends are doing and how their jobs and families are. I want to hear about the latest boyfriend and that it’s going well or horribly. I want to hear what you have to say about the latest political rant or news cast. I want to hear all about it. When I hear all these updates, I not only catch up with where my friends are but I usually learn something in the process. Even the most well read, well rounded out person needs a different perspective time to time. And ironically, after all of this, it has a funny way of bringing it all home for me, making me appreciate my life and my experiences, feeling grateful. Funny how that works.
I do make my reunion nights with my girls a priority, although they only seem to happen every other month (let’s work on that girls). I miss everybody! I’m just making the best of it, enjoying my time with my family while they are young. Time does go by fast and I’ll never get these days back. (some I don’t want back! ha ha) I will return to the workforce in the near future in a very part time way so that I am able to nurture my career while still holding down the fort. I know I’m getting closer to feeling like myself again. It’s been quite the learning experience around here and with a drastic learning environment. All is good though, and all the hard work is worth it in the end. I am proud of my family even though we’re all over the place many days. I know that the important thing is that at the end of the day, we are together, we love each other and we’re doing the best that we can.
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If you’re on twitter, find me! I’m @mommamarz. I just started this the other day, and am still learning it….